Thursday, December 11, 2014

9:40 PM
It rained all day today in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Which, of course, meant that life sloshed to a halt.

But it was the biggest storm in five years!!!!  You know, the #stormaggedon #stormpacolypse ...

You do realize that it has barely rained at all in the last five years (remember last week's: California in Worst Drought in 1,200 Years article) so that comparison seems rather meaningless.

So what if there was no power at work and no school for your kids - you could have gotten a babysitter and worked from home.

Yeah...except this is the picture my babysitter texted me when she said she wasn't coming after all:


Where did she take this anyway?
Oh, so then what did you do all day?

Well, good question, let's see:

7-8:30 AM: Watched our street turn into a river, our garbage cans float away, and daddy dash around in the torrential rain trying to clear out the gutters and storm drains and buy a new battery for our sump pump. Since no one has talked of anything else but this #stormaggedon for the last week we were, of course, totally prepared.

8:30-9 AM: Drive at roughly 5MPH to work to pick up some key documents so I can work from home and manage to make it home after only hydroplaning once. This despite the fact that my tires are completely bald.

9-10 AM: Try to be productive while kids do a "science experiment" that involves shaving cream and blue food coloring. Come into kitchen to find that this has become a fully body immersion experience. Promptly shower two hysterically giggling children.

10-10:30 AM: Attempt assembly line Christmas card addressing and envelope stuffing with two additional, and not very coordinated, sets of hands. I apologize in advance for the condition of the cards.

11 AM -12 PM: Run out of stamps. Rain intensity has lessened so pile kids into car for trip to store to get lunch and stamps. Lunch of hot soup is delicious, but store is out of stamps. Run across large parking lot to packaging store in rain with kids (one of whom refuses to put on his raincoat) and back. Change wet child upon return home.

12:05 PM: Change wet child again - potty training is a B^&*%.

12:10 - 1PM: Get aforementioned text from babysitter bailing on me. Now have to figure out how I will participate on 3-hour conference call with two kids unsupervised. Have long discussion with them, play with them, set them up to watch Charlotte's Web downstairs.

1 - 4 PM: Take call. After a relatively quiet hour, begin to hear various sounds emanating from downstairs that sound nothing like movie watching and more like elephants jumping. Choose to ignore this. After some time the inevitable tears happen. Mute phone and console wounded child. Move kids upstairs for snack and more "science". Wince as I leave the room, imagining what will happen to further destroy kitchen. Hear laughing. Kids burst into office to demonstrate self-application of full body face paint. Wince more. Hear fighting. Wish desperately call will end. Call finally ends. Survey damage to children and kitchen - many potions, more shaving cream, some ooblick. Nothing broken. Feel relief.

4 -4:30 PM: Physically separate fighting children and get everyone dressed for the 1-block walk to the mailbox to mail Christmas Cards and let off steam.

4:35 PM: Change wet child.

4:40 PM: Do laundry.

4:45 - 6 PM: Pour self glass of wine (don't judge). Play doctor, wrestle, and various other forms of imaginary play including fort and boat building.

Evidence of stay-at-home-ageddon damage
6-6:30 PM: Feed scamps dinner. Drink another glass of wine.

6:30-7:30 PM: More games (because they were SO FUN the first time around).

7:30- 8 PM: Bath children. Watch water turn disturbing colors as they scrub off the body paint.

8-8:30 PM: Bedtime stories. Lights out. Check the internet - was the #stormaggedon as big of a deal as they predicted it would be? The outside of our house held up fine - the inside is another story.

So yeah, that's what I did all day. And now I am going to go and run as hard and as fast as I can through what is left of this #stormaggedon because, well, because that is what I need to do.

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